The Mother's Day Struggle

Mother’s Day is quickly approaching complete with its pink roses, Fannie Mae Chocolates, and handmade Crayola cards. It’s a day many women look forward to. (I like to say it’s one of my favorite times of the year since my kids don’t get a choice about hanging out with me!)

But for some, Mother’s Day can be a time of deep pain.

In 2021, according to a Yahoo and YouGov poll of 1555 people, as many as 30 percent of men and women admitted they were going to skip celebrating Mother’s Day that year – that’s 1 in 3 adults. While this may seem staggering and saddening, it is the reality many confront during what would seem to be one of the happiest holidays of the year.

For many, Mother’s Day can be a real struggle and point of depression if your mom is no longer living or if the relationship is strained. Additionally, for women who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a child or who have yet to have the dream of becoming a mother become reality, the sight of pink roses and Fannie Maes only serves to fester an inner heartache.

Some women would prefer to skip the holiday altogether – to them, a day snuggled up with a good book or a favorite flick sounds much more appealing.

As a woman who struggled with childbearing when first trying to conceive, and then who ultimately did conceive, only to have to see that child buried a few months before delivery, I can certainly understand this deep agony. Simply watching a mother with her child walking hand in hand caused me to ache inside. I can remember with immense clarity the sense of hopelessness I carried. It affected my days and my nights, as I couldn’t even sleep without having nightmares about my child.

It’s been 37 years since I had to say goodbye to my son – a lot has changed. I have witnessed the faithfulness of God as He brought one child after another into my life, first as a mother and now as a grandmother.

As my experience changed, so did my heart. It not only healed but also expanded.

Oh, I still cry for my son at times – I miss him every day of my life - but the pain now belongs to the Lord. Painful experiences can shape us and leave us better than before, if we bring that pain to Jesus.

The healing process will cause us to be more compassionate to those who have walked, or are walking, similar paths. To this day, I never celebrate Mother’s Day without feeling the heaviness of hurting women whose hearts are shattered and arms still empty.

How is that healing obtained? How does it become a greater reality than the reality of sorrow?

In moments of overwhelm and hopelessness, we can turn to the Holy Spirit for comfort. The Word tells us in Psalms 68:5-6a, “A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families..”

Did you know that “Family” was God’s idea? And that it was He that first dreamed and designed what a family would look like…. Complete with a protective father and a loving mother, both surrounded by tiny little humans with tangled hair, snotty noses, and messy handprints.

For years, the aforementioned passage has been one of my favorite promises to cling to. Knowing that our God is full of compassion and mercy towards women who live with broken hearts due to the loss of a child or the loss of the dream of motherhood, only solidifies the fact that Family was His idea.

The truth of this passage challenged the lie I had been carrying in my heart for a long time. I believed the lie that God wasn’t truly good and that He was enjoying withholding something good from me – the joy of motherhood.

Painful experiences are fertile ground for misconceptions about God’s goodness, and I found myself there neck deep!

God was tender and patient with me and began revealing Himself to me little by little in ways that I couldn’t deny were evidences of a God who was truly good and trustworthy. Ultimately, He broke through my walls of defense, and His light came shining into my shattered heart. This passage in Psalms became a testament to the work He had done in my heart.

It still moves me to this day!

I can honestly say, with deep conviction, “God is all good and good to all!”

And when I think of Jesus weeping with Mary and Martha over the loss of Lazurus (all while He full well knew He was about to raise Him from the dead- see John 11), I am overcome with the inexhaustible depth of the love of God for the hurting. Now I understand that He weeps with me when I weep over my son.

So what are you to do if you are still living with the struggle?

Friend, may I encourage you today to bring your pain to Jesus this Mother’s Day?

Perhaps instead of hiding out until the restaurant lines fade away and the smell of roses no longer laces the air, you could take a little Mother’s Day picnic with your Heavenly Father and share the heartbreak you’ve been carrying.

Be courageous and completely honest and transparent with Him - He’s been weeping with you this whole time anyway.

Perhaps asking Him to show you what He feels about your situation will lead to a new and beautiful Mother’s Day tradition that you just might find yourself wanting to return to in the future.

Until then, know you’re not alone. God sees you and I’m praying for you!